So, the golfer is on tee ready to swing his driver when he hears a siren. His fellow players look in amazement as he checks his swing, drops his head and bows as a police car precedes a funeral procession going by. The rest of his foursome do the same. The procession passes by and the golfer resumes his position and drives one down the fairway, a slight fade but a good shot.
One of the foursome comments 'Bill, you NEVER let ANYTHING interrupt your shot.' The other members nodded in agreement. Bill looks at them and said 'But she WAS a good wife'.
Above you see fifteen matches .
(Count them to be sure)
Now, let's do some simple math.
15 -6 = 9 (True?)
Can YOU take away six matches
and equal ten? I can.
Johnny wakes up his younger brother and says 'Hey Jimmy, guess what WE'RE going to do today?' Jimmy, always impressed by his brother says 'What?'. 'Well', says Johnny, 'We're going to cuss like big guys, so let's go'. They run downstairs where Mom is calling them for morning breakfast.
Older Johnny says 'I want some damned cereal'. Mom scowls at Johnny and slaps him across the face ordering him upstairs. Johnny, crying all the way up, goes into his room.
Mom then glares at Jimmy and says 'Now,, what do YOU want for breakfast?' Jimmy, somewhat frightened, says 'I don't care Mom, but I DON'T want no damned cereal'.
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
The Panda bear quietly walks into the restaurant, orders a meal and eats. When he completed his meal, he pulls out a gun and starts spraying the place with bullets then exits out the front door. Fortunately, no one was injured but the police followed up on the crime as they should have. After capturing and grilling the Panda for hours on end, the Panda would say nothing to the detectives. They pressed more and the Panda finally cracked and said "I admit the crime, I did it, but my defense was - well, look me up in the dictionary" and fell silent again.
(continued next column)
A detective, perplexed by the statement grabbed a dictionary, thumbed through the 'P's then onto Panda. He brought the dictionary to the Captain and says "We have our bear, sir", hands the Captain the dictionary. The Captain looks under Panda and says 'Book Him'. The case was solved.
Dictionary: Panda (pan dah)
A black and white colored Asian bear species. Eats chutes and leaves.
A blind man enters a bar and finds his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”